Category Archives: Career

Life Happens When We Work.
This section pertains to the various work I do aside from raising my kids including writing, tutoring, teaching,etc.

Content Where We Are

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I tend to get really antsy about things.

When it’s summer, I’m so hot and irritable that I can’t wait until the cool air breezes in. When it’s the dead of winter, I dream about the warm sun on my face.

When I sit in my house, sometimes the walls close in on me. Other times I long for the tiny apartment I grew up in. I mean how hard was it to keep a two bedroom apartment clean? 

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I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for about a year and a half. I still don’t have a routine. I still float through most days. I still wonder how other moms manage to keep up with a cleaning schedule and active children underfoot, let alone do really fun things with their kids. I worry my way through most days about our finances, but not enough to pull my kids out of preschool or stop eating out or cancel play dates.

Last April, I was so overwhelmed by my new role in life that I actually called the school district to see if I could come back from my extended childcare leave a year early.

I know, right!?! I was a wee bit crazy, but at that point in time, going back to a somewhat unsafe, somewhat unstable school seemed easier than dealing with a consistently dirty house, an inquisitive and energetic three year old, a cranky, shrieky 1 year old, and all the other duties that come with a life at home.

As irony or luck or the will of God would have it, I’d missed the transfer deadline by a day.

Though I’m more at peace with this season of life than I was in April, I still get antsy every now and then.

Am I supposed to be at home right now? Is this what it’s supposed to feel like? Am I doing it wrong?

Should I go back to work? Should I go back to teaching? If so, when should that be? If I don’t go back to work, how will we afford tuition for the kids?

By the time the day’s over, I’m so overwhelmed about what should or shouldn’t be that I’ve missed the beauty of the very day in front of me.

I tuck my little ones in bed and they wake up a day older.

A few things have happened over the last couple of weeks that have reminded me to embrace this moment just as it is, to be content right where I am.

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I sat in the playroom the other day and it suddenly dawned on me that my sweet Caroline is a big girl. She’s really not a baby anymore. She carries on conversations. She throws fewer tantrums. She plays so nicely. She sits on the potty. She runs. She’s nearly 2.

This revelation brought unexpected tears to my eyes. I wept and grieved for my baby. Where did the time go? I feel like I missed so much even though I was right here the whole time.

And then, a young college student was killed in a freak car accident. I didn’t know this girl, but my family knows the girl’s mother. The incident reminded me of the preciousness of life. It reminded me that tomorrow is not a guarantee. That this time at home with my kids is fleeting. Does it really matter if there are cobwebs on the ceiling in the dining room? Does it matter if the kitchen floor didn’t get mopped last night? Really? In the grand scheme of life, is a spotless (Oh, who am I kidding? My house will never be spotless. Let’s go with clean) clean home the most important thing?

And as I (once again) pondered whether or not I should go back to work, I heard on the news that a former student of mine was arrested for bringing a gun to the school where I used to work.

It’s like God knew just how to put me back in my place. He keeps reminding me over and over again that my place right now is at home with my kids. I better figure out how to accept it, embrace it, even.

It’s so easy to look ahead, make plans, jump ahead to that next season, wonder about that green grass that just looks so scrumptious on the other side.

But all we have is right here in front of us, right now. And to quote that ridiculous Justin Bieber song, “The grass ain’t always greener on the other side, it’s green where you water it.”

Amen, Justin Bieber (and Big Sean), amen.

Life might not be exactly what we wanted it to be in this moment. We might be waiting on this or that for our life to begin. We might be worried about worldly things. We might be struggling with our job or the lack of one. We might frustrated by our lot in life. We might be coming to terms God’s will for us right now.

It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to resist the life we’ve been given. But in the end, we have to find an element of peace. We have to make the most of what we have right now. We have to water the very grass in front of us.

The seasons change in due time, but today is all we’ve got.

Life happens when we’re content right where we are. 

The Mysterious And Mighty (And Mothers)

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A few weeks ago, my mom and I chatted on the phone. She was out walking and I could hear the wind and her breath as she talked. She went off on some tangent and I caught myself rolling my eyes at her. I love my mother to pieces, but sometimes she gets on my nerves.

The eye rolling is nothing new. I’ve been rolling my eyes at her since I was about 12. But for some reason this time made me stop and think. I suddenly realized that I wasn’t doing a very good job honoring my mother at that moment.

I’ve been feeling so guilty lately about the way I treat my mother- sometimes to her face, oftentimes behind her back. She is one of the most caring, generous people I know. She’s always in my corner. And she’s first in line to help when I need something.

We’ve had our fair share of disagreements and drama, but my mother has always been my biggest cheerleader. When I told her about my blog, she said I was “quietly making noise.”  She has a slight phobia of the Internet, but when I wrote my “I’m Not Sorry” piece, my sister made her read it.

The other night, my mom told me that as soon as she figured out how to leave a comment on my blog, she would write the following:

“When you share your words, you change the world.”

Some words I wrote years ago found their way to someone who really needed them recently. They were words I never intended for anyone to see, an unpolished and emotional tribute to a beloved teacher from high school who had died.

Thanks to a mysterious Internet and a mighty God, my teacher’s daughter found them. She’d been having a horrible day and was missing her mother fiercely. Something prompted her to “Google” her mother’s name and there she found some comfort on my “secret” and very old blog.

Thanks to a mighty Internet and a mysterious God, a friend of mine from high school contacted me to tell me what had happened. As it turned out, my teacher’s daughter shared my post on her Facebook wall as what she was thankful for that day. My high school friend connected us and we were able to talk a little back and forth.

My heart aches for her, but what actually broke my heart was when she said, “Sometimes a girl just needs her mom.”

What this woman would give to have her mother standing in her kitchen as my own mother was in mine just a few short hours ago. What she’d give to have her mother lecture her or give her unsolicited advice. What she’d give to hear her mother carrying on about some seemingly insignificant thing.

I’m completely overwhelmed and humbled by the magnitude of God’s power and love. He gives us what we need at precisely the moment we need it. She needed comfort. I needed humility. She needed something that would remind her of her mother. I needed a reminder that I still need my mother.

I can’t even begin to understand how it must feel to lose a parent. The thought alone knocks the breath out of me. We can’t fully understand God’s plan for us or the ones we love, either. We won’t know how our stories end (or begin, really) until we meet again on the other side.

All of our days are numbered. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s so very true. Perhaps the greatest lesson I’ve learned through this is that the ones I love deserve the best of me. They deserve my smiles and affection, my laughter and attention. They deserve to know just how much I love them.

They deserve less eye rolls and more eye contact. They deserve less cold shoulders and more warm hugs. They deserve to know just how much I need them and want them in my life.

The next time I see my mom, I’ll be first in line to hug her. To tell her how thankful I am for her. To thank her for always being there for me and loving me (eye rolls and all). To thank her for teaching me to change the world.

For those of you who may be missing your mother today, I know “I’m sorry” just isn’t enough. There’s no way I could ever take away your pain, but I humbly offer you my prayers and the promise that I’ll (try to) not take for granted the beautiful gift of my mother.

Life happens when we honor our mother.

 

Right Where I Need To Be

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As I’ve mentioned, I used a great deal of my summer break to ponder and pray about my purpose- as a mother, as a wife, as a human being, but especially as author of Life Happens When. I’ve been trying desperately to listen to God’s call and surrender to it.

After many hours in quiet contemplation and even more time in conversation with friends and family, I’ve concluded that I am heeding God’s call.

I am a passionate writer and have been since I was in the first grade. I know God gifted me this talent and I know He meant for me to use my words to create good in the world.

I hoped and prayed that my writing would pull double duty, though. I wanted to create good, offer inspiration, encourage others. Was it so much to ask that I might make a little money, too? And that’s where my discouragement and confusion stemmed from.

We all want to think our ideas are awesome, right? We all want to do what we love and be successful at it! I’m as human as the next person.

As I grappled with my feelings of frustration and failure this summer, I came to realize a few universal truths.

What I want and what God wants are not always one in the same.

Success is not necessarily measured by how much money we make.

Most people spend years developing a talent or a craft.

While I have been writing since first grade, I haven’t been writing in a defined niche for very long at all. While I haven’t made one penny off this blog, I’ve talked to many readers who’ve encouraged me to continue encouraging them.

I am excited and very pleased to tell you that after many months of deliberation, I believe with my entire being that I’m right where I need to be.

I’ll still be moving forward, plugging along, making a few minor changes here and there, but staying true to who I am and who I’ve always been.

I hope you’ll stay along for the ride!

Life happens when we realize we are right where we need to be!

Stop by tomorrow where I’ll clear a few things up as to who I am exactly and what you can expect from me in the future! See you then!

Every Writer’s Dream

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Are you an aspiring writer? Do you know someone who is? If so, Jeff Goins is your “go to” writing guy.

I stumbled upon Jeff’s website by accident and I’m so grateful that I did. Jeff is a self made writing guru who offers practical advice and encouragement for writers at any stage of the game.

He’s also written eBooks about writing and how to get published. He was generous enough to let me read and review two of them for free.

Get Published Now

My ultimate dream in life is to be a real published writer so I was anxious to read Jeff’s advice in Before Your First Book: 5 Tips to Getting Published Now.

This eBook is a step by step guide to help you get “in” with publishers. He provides several letter templates to help you make contact with publishers and build ongoing relationships with them. All of his tips are realistic and achievable. In fact, when I followed his letter template, I found myself “in” with a publisher, as well.

If you’ve ever dreamed of seeing your name on the byline, you need to drop what you are doing and read this eBook. It is filled with straightforward, no nonsense advice that you can immediately put to use.

Every Writer’s Dream

If all the advice in Before Your First Book wasn’t enough, Jeff has also written, Every Writer’s Dream: How to Never Pitch Your Writing Again.

I was a little skeptical at first. How exactly am I going to get published if I don’t pitch my writing to anyone?

It’s simple. It’s practical. It’s totally doable. I think you’ll find you are already on the right track. But, Jeff shows you how to be more intentional about what you are doing.

This eBook helped me tremendously and you’ll begin to notice some changes on my blog thanks to his suggestions. If you have a blog, you definitely want to read what he has to say about building a successful platform and finding supportive followers!

Jeff uses his own experience to explain the process. As a writer, he clearly understands the frustrations that come along with the job. He’s right there in the trenches with you and offers a simple, step by step guide to help you get published (without pitching your work).

A Small Price To Pay

Every Writer’s Dream and Before Your First Book are both for sale (together) for $4.99. And worth every penny.

Both eBooks offer practical solutions and encouragement to guide you through the entire writing process. They are easy and quick to read and will have you antsy to get going on your own writing endeavors.

Whether you want to grow your blog, write for a magazine, or publish a book (or all of the above), you will find valuable advice and support.

What’s In It For You?

Here’s the best part! Jeff has kindly offered one of my readers a copy of both eBooks for free!

If you aren’t an aspiring writer, perhaps you know one? This would make a great gift, too!

Here’s how to enter: Each thing that you do below counts as a separate entry (so you have more chances to win). The catch? You need to post a separate comment for each entry!

Mandatory Entry:
Comment on this post and tell me why you want the eBooks.

Optional Entries
Like Jeff Goins on Facebook.

Like Life Happens When on Facebook. If you already like Life Happens When, leave a separate comment telling me that.

Follow Life Happens When on Twitter.

Let your fans know (tweet about it, blog about it, update your Facebook status): I just entered for a chance to win 2 Jeff Goins Writing eBooks from Life Happens When! (Or something like that.)

Refer a friend- to the blog, to the Facebook page, to Twitter- however you’d like to share Life Happens When with a friend! Come back here and let me know!

Make sure to leave a separate comment for each entry. I will use Random.org to draw a winner next Wednesday.

Life happens when we get started on our dreams. What are you waiting for?

Perspective

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The other night, Mike and I sat together and talked about a variety of things. I mentioned feeling guilty because I don’t have a good schedule as far as cleaning and taking care of the kids and I don’t have as many tutoring jobs as I’d hoped for.

“But you’re home. And you’re happy. And that’s all I care about. We’ll figure it out.” He reassured.

I continued by saying that even though we’re sort of in this adjustment period, I love being home. Even on the worst of days when they’re both screaming and clingy and my patience is worn thin, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It’s still better than where I was before.

I feel pretty blessed to have been on both sides of the fence when it comes to being in or out of the home as a mother. Frankly, I’m very glad that I did work outside of the home for three years because it gave me quite a bit of perspective.

Raising children is hard no matter how you do it.

It was hard when I had to get my little ones up early in the morning and get us all ready and out the door by 6:00. It was hard being away from them all day. It was hard rushing around in the evenings, scurrying to get dinner, racing from here to there. It was impossible to keep up with the house. It was hard. Period.

Now that I am home, I see and understand what at home moms feel like. It is hard to be home all day long with needy, clingy little ones. It is hard to find a good balance between teaching and enriching my children and getting the house in order. It is hard to find a good time to shower, really. It is hard balancing the checkbook and worrying about coming up short. It is hard. Period.

But as a mom at home, I know it could be a lot harder. It was a lot harder. When I was working I was in such a thick mental fog, I could hardly be the mother my children deserved. It was a turbulent time, especially when I was teaching. But even before I was teaching, it was still challenging and stressful to juggle all those hats.

I’m glad I have that perspective because it keeps me balanced on the toughest days. I’m not much of a homemaker so there has been a bit of a learning curve for me in that department. When I’m scrubbing bathroom floors or wiping up crumbs for the hundredth time, I easily say to myself, “It could be worse.” When I’m rocking my clingy baby because she won’t let me put her down, I think to myself, “It could be worse.”

Sometimes it is nice to be on the other side of the fence for awhile. This cruel world offers a great deal of harsh judgement and little support, especially for mothers. Being on both sides of this great “debate” has not only helped me with my own mothering journey, it has helped me be more supportive and less critical of other mothers around me.

The most valuable thing this whole process has taught me is that motherhood is hard no matter who you are or what you do, but there is plenty of joy in the journey.

Have you found yourself on both sides of the fence (be it motherhood or anything else)? What has it taught you?

Life happens when we appreciate life from different perspectives.

Twenty Five Thousand Six Hundred

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No, I’m not referring to the musical Rent. If I were, I would have said, “Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.”

Are you singing that in your head now? Yeah, me, too. Sorry.

I got to see the play while visiting my good friend in New York six years ago (Can you believe it’s been six years, Roe?). It was amazing and I loved it.

However, my husband really hates this play and the subsequent movie. He’s desperate to write the play from the landlord’s perspective except he says it wouldn’t be worth anyone’s effort to come see it. It would last five minutes.

Landlord: Your rent is due by the end of the month.

Characters that can’t/don’t want to pay their rent: We can’t pay our rent. It’s not fair. We’re not paying.

Landlord: Um, well. When you signed your lease, you pretty much agreed to pay your rent. So, you have to pay it.

Characters that can’t/don’t want to pay their rent: We’re not paying.

Landlord: You pay your rent or you move out. That’s life.

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It’s like he doesn’t understand the play at all. Okay, he does have a point! But I do still enjoy the play. It is one of the few things we really disagree on in life.

But I digress completely.

Actually, the 25,600 represents words. As in the number of words I’ve written in my book.

This is huge, folks!

I’ve wanted to be a writer my entire life. From college onward, whenever I read a book, I’d think to myself, “I could’ve written this.” Pretty confident for someone who’s never actually written a book, huh?

When I would get to the final page, I’d wonder, “Okay. What is my story?”

As it turns out, there is a fine line between wanting to be a writer and actually being a writer. I’ve always said I wanted to be a writer, but I’ve never actually done the work to be a writer.

There’s no time! I don’t know how to start! Should I write first and deal with details later (like an agent and/or a contract)? Excuse after excuse would dribble from my mouth.

This summer, in the middle of the night, my eyes popped open and I sprang straight up in bed. Out of nowhere, my story hit me like a ton of bricks.

Unfortunately, I never really wrote much of it. I could see the characters, I knew a basic storyline, but I only wrote a thousand words in about three months.

I was under the impression that being home would give me more time to write. Well, that has sort of been the case. I don’t have time to write during the day really, but because I am no longer a stressed filled madwoman, my evenings are pretty free.

I opened up a word document just one month ago and began typing. I have no clue what will happen when I finally reach “The End,” but at least I know I’m actually going to get there.

It feels awesome to finally be following my greatest dream for myself. My story is coming true.

You have a story, too, you know! It might not be in an actual story format like mine. Or a play like Jonathan Larson’s. Yours might be that business you’ve been thinking about starting. Or that art class you’ve thought about taking. Or that marathon you’ve debated about running. Or that career you’ve been thinking of trying.

Or maybe you are just a person- a mom, a dad, a professional, a friend trying to be the very best you can be day in and day out.

Whatever your story, sometimes it just takes a little bit of motivation to make it happen. Do you have what it takes? I know you do!

Life happens when we do the work necessary to make our stories come true!

To Kill a Mockingbird

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I read this book when I was in middle school. I remember liking it, but never enough to read it again. I sort of remember the characters and the story line-enough to pass my Praxis tests to become an English teacher.

I definitely didn’t remember it enough to help out a kid I started tutoring yesterday.

To make up some of the difference that we lost from my salary, I’ve started tutoring a few kids in the afternoons.

I know I’m making money off this whole deal, but I have to say the few hours a week I spend tutoring are wonderful for me. These are good kids who just need a little bit of one on one attention. I really feel like I’m using my skills and my talents.

Yesterday, I had a new student. He’s a freshman and is failing English. His mom wanted me to gauge if there might be a comprehension problem.

He arrived early and we got started right away. I looked at his grade report and asked him some questions about his English class and what he thought might be going on. He gave me a long winded speech but it came down to: he’s not interested. Enough said. Most freshman boys aren’t.

He told me they are reading To Kill a Mockingbird and he was supposed to be through chapter 7 by tomorrow. He had a three page packet to complete (for tomorrow) and was only on chapter 3. The packet was blank. Oy.

I tossed my “lesson plan” I’d made out the window and we got to work right away. I scoured the basement to find my copy of the book and scanned and skimmed the chapters as quickly as I could. For the most part I was just his “guide.” Even for not reading everything he was able to come up with some pretty accurate answers. I was able to find some of the answers in the text and then have him go and read that section. We got through two and a half pages of the packet before our hour was up.

When I talked to his mom, I told her that we worked the whole time on the packet, so I wasn’t able to assess him as far as comprehension. Although to me, he seemed very bright and capable, just unenthusiastic about the text.

He had a new packet due in two weeks so I gave him a breakdown of how much he needed to complete on his own before Thursday.

I’m so happy to have found this amazing balance. I can’t believe I am lucky enough to be using my skills in a way that doesn’t make me want to curl up and bawl my eyes out. Or throw a shoe at someone.

I also gave myself a homework assignment: Read To Kill a Mockingbird.

What are your thoughts on this book? What’s your favorite book you had to read in high school?

Life happens when we revisit an old classic.

 

Don’t Look Back

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It is worth mentioning that this has been my first week home in my new role.

I have allowed myself a few days to enjoy it and soak everything in. The house is a wreck, but we are enjoying legos, trains, puzzles, and books without worry or care. The laundry (you already know how I feel about laundry) is piled high, but my babies are dressed and so am I. The sink is overflowing with dishes, but we are all well-fed.

The beds are unmade and we have all thoroughly enjoyed sleeping in past the normal 5:00 wake up call.

My heart and my soul have never been more at ease. The anxiety that would consume me from Sunday night until the week was over on Friday is long, long gone. I am relaxed. I am at peace.

My favorite student during my favorite class- Journalism! Those 10 kids were the bright spot in my day!

And yet, there is still a part of me that mourns the passing of my former self. Much as I was ready to leave my classroom to someone else and flee from the negative energy that radiated my school, it wasn’t easy to do. Most surprising of all, I didn’t realize I would miss it.

I guess like most things, I miss the idea of it. The idea is great. The reality, not so much.

As my students met their brand new teacher this week, my heart may have felt just the tiniest pang. I might have felt just an ounce of regret.

In the end, I know I made the right decision for myself and my family. I’ve already figured out in the handful of days I’ve been home that it is so worth it.

To be sure, I’ve been listening to a little voice inside my head that sounds a lot like Don Henley telling me, “Don’t look back, you can never look back.”

Have you ever been tempted to look back? Have you struggled with a decision after you made it? We all struggle with difficult choices, but sometimes we just have to take the leap. If we make them for the right reasons, those tough decisions will be incredibly worthwhile. If you are on the verge of making a decision, I encourage you to really listen to your heart! Once you’ve made the decision, I’ll be happy to sing Boys of Summer in your ear! Don’t look back!

Life happens when we believe in ourselves enough to make a tough decision and stick with it!

 

 

Trade One Dream for Another

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One of my favorite movies is Cheaper By the Dozen (2003). After nearly breaking his super sized family to pieces, Tom (Steve Martin) decides to ditch his crazy, hectic dream job for a more stable, practical one.

When his boss taunts him with, “So you’re giving up on your dream?”

Tom swiftly replies, “Nope. Just going with a different one.”

Recently, I found myself in Tom’s shoes.

From the moment I can remember dreaming, I wanted to be three things: a writer, a teacher, a mommy.

I’ve been a writer both privately and publicly for much of my life. Am I widely famous as I hoped at age 10? Not quite, but I’m working at it. I’m also a mommy two times over. About two years ago, I also made my dream of being a teacher a reality.

Since becoming a mother, a great deal has changed within me. I’ve struggled with working outside the home since I dropped my fresh 11 week old baby off at daycare for the first time nearly 3 years ago. My heart and my head have battled regularly since then as I’ve attempted to figure out what I want to do with my life.

Recently, it came down to a few simple things:

  • Being a working mother of two small children is inexplicably hard.
  • Having a husband whose work schedule is both bizarre and unpredictable makes things even harder.
  • Being in an unhealthy and unsafe teaching environment where my mental stability and ability to care for my family are on an ever declining path makes things nearly impossible.

After a great deal of thinking and praying and figuring out finances, my husband and I came to a unanimous (albeit scary and gut-wrenching) decision. The time has come for me to give up my full-time, guaranteed paycheck to stay at home and raise our children.

So here I am at an exhilarating crossroads in my life. I am beyond grateful for the opportunity to be with my children, to have a few hours a week to fine tune my writing, and to pursue potential part time work. Above all, I’m thankful to spend some time where my heart has been all along: home.

What about you? Have you ever given up one dream for the sake of another? Or is there a small little voice inside your heart whispering to you? Maybe you’ve been too busy to listen. Maybe you are ignoring it like I did for way too long. Maybe you haven’t found the nerve to say it out loud or make it happen. I promise you, it is worth it.

Life happens when you have the courage to trade one dream for another! 

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