I started this blog in late October, just a few short weeks before leaving my teaching position to stay home with my kids.
I started this blog with blind ambition. I was sitting at my sister’s house one night talking about my new journey. The one that didn’t involve dropping my babies at a mediocre daycare and spending the day with a bunch of teenage punks. The one that didn’t involve pressure from the school district and the state to help kids with no desire to learn and even less desire to follow the rules meet proficiency standards. The one that didn’t involve various objects being hurled at my head or students snarling in my face.
The one where I could spend my time with my babies. And keep the house clean. And have healthy dinners ready in the evening for my family.
The one where I could spend some time writing.
I treated this space much like a real job. Most weeks, I wrote and posted Monday through Friday. I networked and collaborated with colleagues in the blogging world. I spent a great deal of time and energy promoting and marketing my blog. I participated in the social media hoopla, answered questions, responded to comments and e-mails.
I’m not sure what my expectations were, really. I love to write. I knew I needed to “put myself out there” to gain exposure. I know that to make my dreams come true, I have to work hard at this for who knows how long.
And that’s my problem.
See, I also have these two darling little people who count on me each day. They wake up like clockwork at 6:30 in the morning expecting clean clothes and food. They look to me for entertainment and love and nourishment and enrichment and attention.
I love them to the moon and back and all the way to the moon again. I say it to them all of the time. But, actions speak louder than words.
I struggle daily with the temptation to lock myself in the computer room and waste the day away typing.
I feel conflicted because I don’t want to lose this space. What’s more, I don’t want to lose you.
But, I have to come up with something that works. Spending time with my family trumps everything, that much I know.
I’ve been stewing the last few days (weeks, really). I’ve written this post half a dozen times, but I keep changing my mind. Should I stay? Should I go? How can I make this work?
When my sister mentioned that she hardly ever stops by anymore because I hardly ever post anymore, I figured I’d better say something.
Even though it isn’t technically summer, it is summer break (in these parts, at least). And even though I’m not in school or working at a school or teaching at a school, my life has almost always revolved around a school schedule.
We have BIG plans this lovely month of June. We have plenty of things to keep us busy. Summer fun is in full force and I plan to keep it that way over the next two months. I don’t want to make any promises I can’t keep, so I’ve decided to take my own summer break to enjoy the season fully. My family needs me to do this, yes. But I need me to do this, too.
My hope is that when my fingers itch to be at the computer, I’ll work a puzzle with Lucas instead. That when I reach for my phone to check Facebook or Twitter, I’ll force myself to put it down and pick up my sweet Caroline. When the computer room beckons, I’ll throw our shoes on and we’ll head outside.
I don’t want to be imprisoned by my computer anymore.
My plan this summer is to thoroughly enjoy our trips to the lake, our Disney World vacation, the drive in movies, trips to the zoo, the park, the spraygrounds, and even the sprinkler in our own backyard. We’ll be blowing bubbles, going for walks, eating popsicles and ice cream cones. If we’re lucky, we might even catch a lightening bug or glimpse a shooting star.
That’s the stuff summer’s made of!
Sometimes we need to wave the white flag and surrender. I’ve battled with my addiction to the internet for quite some time. I’m finally ready to do something about it. I need to take a break and focus on my true priorities in life. Maybe then, I’ll be able to figure out a nice balance.
Is there something that’s been controlling your life, too? You know deep in your heart what you have to do.
Life happens when we take a break.
I hope you have a lovely summer with your own family! I hope that when I return, you’ll be here, too! Until then, you are in my prayers!
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