Sometimes it feels like your world is crashing down on you.
Sometimes, though, your world really does crash down on you.
Yesterday, I had to face one of my worst nightmares. For the first time in my life, I had to call 9-1-1. For the first time in my life, I was in a car accident that caused all of the side airbags to deploy.
Worst of all, my two precious babies were with me.
My world literally came crashing down on me (or in on me, rather).
The details are still blurry to me and it is probably best not to hash them on such a public forum, anyhow.
The most important part of the story is that everyone involved walked away from it mostly unscathed. My babies were not harmed; their doctor isn’t even concerned. I have a few visible scars, but they pale in comparison to the scars unseen. The emotional ones that’ll probably never completely go away.
But, our lives were spared. And our lives will go on just as they did moments before impact.
If this was to serve as a wake up call for me, well, it worked. I had just mentioned the day before that I felt like I’d been in a spiritual drought. I’ve felt lonely and lost lately. I’ve had a hard time channeling God or making any time for Him at all, really.
I can hear Him saying, “Wake up, Leanne. Pay attention. I’m right here. And you are still supposed to be here. And you haven’t done what it is that I want you to do, yet.”
While I scratch my head and ponder what it is that He wants from me, I think I know of a good place to start.
Hand my life over to God. Because really? It is already in His hands.
Mike’s uncle stopped by our house a few hours after the accident. We were at a pretty low moment- feeling sorry for ourselves over our brand new car sitting in a crumpled heap. Our heads were spinning with all that lay ahead- insurance battles, police reports, repair to the vehicle. My head was throbbing from the actual crash. Mike’s was throbbing from the giant mess we’d suddenly found ourselves in.
Uncle Danny hugged me. He kissed my babies on the head.
He looked straight at Mike and then at me. “That over there,” he said, pointing to my shiny 2013 Ford Explorer, “is a piece of metal. They make them everyday. You and those babies standing here right now are all that matter.”
Deep down, we’d already figured that much out for ourselves. My mom’s words had already rang through my head hours before, “Things are replaceable. Lives are not.”
Mike had already loved on us, squeezed on us, and told me that his whole world had been in that car and all he cared about was that we were safe.
Still, who wouldn’t feel just a tiny bit put out at the sight of a beautiful, three month old car in that condition?
We licked our wounds, wiped our hands, dusted ourselves off, and got up again.
“What now?” I asked Mike.
“We move on. We move forward. We live life.”
I prayed harder and longer over my babies last night. I spent longer than normal rocking and singing and laughing with them.
I found myself repeating myself over and over and over again, “Thank you, God. Thank you, God. Thank you, God.”
Last night, as I tried desperately to stop the accident from replaying over again in my head, I gathered my courage and allowed myself to think about it all. What could have happened. What didn’t happen. Because I was in an incredibly SAFE vehicle that did more than I could have ever imagined. Because my babies were safely strapped in their carseats. But more than that, because my God was watching over me. He knows His plans for me (and my babies). And clearly, He’s not finished with us here on Earth.
To my absolute dismay, I’ve found that life happens when we crash, when we fall, when we get knocked to the ground. That’s when we find the things that truly matter. And as the old cliche goes, the things that truly matter are not things.
I could pray that you will never experience what happened to me yesterday. I could pray that your life is filled with sunshine and roses. I could pray that you will never know what it feels like to experience pain, sorrow, frustration.
I certainly don’t want you to feel or experience any of that. But we all know that it’s the moments- when we face challenges or suffering or our fears- that shape us and help us grow.
So I guess what I do pray is that when you face a difficult situation that you know that you have an awesome God who loves you. He has big plans for you and your suffering is not in vain. I also pray that you’ll use my experience as a wake up call for yourself to pray harder, love harder, try harder, and find your strength in the Lord.
Life happens when our world crashes down on us. But life [also] happens when we hand our lives over to the Lord.
*Photo Credit: Photography by Rachel
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