There would be no element of surprise if we told our family today that we were expecting baby #3. We’re not, so don’t get excited (or surprised).
I’m very loyal to the idea of a “big” family and most everyone knows that. I don’t know what “big” looks like, but one number Mike and I both agree on is three.
As an indecisive person, I’ve been shockingly certain thus far about having children. I’ve known exactly what I wanted when I wanted it. Thankfully, God agreed with my vision.
With that said, I found myself in WalMart one evening a couple weeks ago. I traipsed through the crowded aisles with my children in tow and scanned the shelves for items on my list.
I proceeded to the checkout and nervously piled my groceries on the counter.
The cashier glanced at each item before scanning and putting it into the bag.
“It’s gotten cold out there.” She observed.
“It sure has.” I agreed. Good. Idle chit chat.
“You’ve got cute kids.” She smiled as she eyed my three year old and eight month old.
“Thanks.”
“So are you hoping for a positive or a negative?” She inquired as nonchalantly as when we were talking about the weather.
My face flushed. I had no idea what to say to her. Worse, I didn’t know the answer to her question.
“I’m really not sure,” I said honestly.
I watched her put the pregnancy test into the bag. As I rooted for my cash, I felt the urge to say more. “I’ll be fine either way.”
“Of course you will, dear. Everything always works out.”
She wished me luck and my kids and I headed out into the chilly night.
The moment of truth arrived. In three minutes time, I swayed from enthusiastically hoping for a positive to begging for a negative.
I glanced at the test and blinked to see for sure. Staring at me boldly were the words “Not Pregnant.” Relief washed over me. Then came regret. Then came guilt for feeling relieved. Then came sadness to accompany regret.
Even knowing my answer, I still wasn’t sure what I wanted.
As I sat in bed that night thinking of what could have been, I realized that the cashier was right. Everything works out. Things happen for a reason. Other things don’t happen for reasons we can’t explain. Looking back, everything always makes sense.
God has a plan for me. I may think I know what it is, but I don’t. I just have to trust that everything will work out the way it supposed to.
Are you at a similar crossroad in your life? Are you waiting on a “yes?” Yes, you got the job! Yes, you’re the one. Yes, you passed the test! Yes, you are in the clear!
Perhaps you are waffling back and forth about a major life changing decision. You aren’t quite sure what to do.
Whatever it is, God has a plan for you, too. You just have to have faith that things will work out. Whether you get a “yes” or a “no,” you’ll be fine either way.
We all will be.
What kind of “yes” are you waiting on? What are you hoping “works out” for you?
Life happens when the inappropriate WalMart cashier makes us think. (Kidding!! Sort of.)
Life happens when we have faith that it will all work out!
© 2012, lifehappenswhen. All rights reserved.
Leanne- what an amazing post! It’s funny how you say you nervously put your items on the counter. I am very easily embarrassed when I buy things of that sort. My husband always makes fun of me. “What do you have to be nervous/embarrassed about? You are a married woman,” he always says to me. It’s funny, though, because I still feel like a kid inside.
We have struggled with the “when” for quite some time now. And whenever I am in that situation, I have the same conflicting feelings.
Thank you so much for sharing!
Thanks, Roe! I mostly felt really awkward because well, I already have my hands “full.” But that kind of stuff embarrasses me anyway so even if they weren’t with me I would have felt that way!
As far as the “when,” I can vouch for saying you never feel quite “ready” but it all works out!! Promise!
I love your honesty. I often have felt nervous buying things and I KNOW my husband has! Years ago I had a pregnancy scare – I was starting to go through early pre-menopausal symtoms and it left me without a period for a while. In my 40′s I was NOT wanting to go down that road again! I can really relate!
Thank you, Cindy! Yes, I bet that would have been scary! We are absolutely open and ready for another baby, I just was feeling a little overwhelmed at the time with two other little ones. I am sort of “glad” it didn’t happen just yet, but would have been equally happy if it had. It just would have had to sink in a little!! Thanks for stopping by!
I love this post; this is so true. We’re waiting to get pregnant until the last half of the year to finish up some bills and savings. It’s so frustrating sometimes because we’re married and we have a home and good jobs. I just want a baby so bad sometimes I could cry. Then I think about how everything has been “just so” and turned out alright before. Just as we were brought together a baby will be brought to us when it is time, and I just have to wait!
I know exactly how you feel. I would love to be pregnant again, even so soon, but I’m also concerned about what family would think, having enough money, etc., etc.