You know the couple, right? They sit across from each other in a crowded restaurant, both with menus raised. They engage in polite conversation over what they might order. When the food arrives, they eat together, but in silence.
I always hear people say, “I never want to be like that.” Somehow dining with your partner without talking is the ultimate relationship downer.
In response, I’ve always wondered, “What’s so wrong with it?”
My husband and I are nearing our 5th wedding anniversary. In married years, that’s not all that long, but we’ve still been through a great deal together. We’ve survived moving, several changes in career, bringing two children into this world.
I know more about my husband than I know about anyone else in the world (aside from myself). We’ve shared our souls from the beginning. Our vulnerabilities have already been exposed. We see each other in a way no one else can. We know what dreams and hopes keep the other awake at night because we’re often awake, too.
My husband has wiped countless tears from my face. He’s comforted my heart. He’s encouraged me in the pursuit of all my dreams.
I’m 100% at ease with my husband. There’s nothing I couldn’t or wouldn’t say to him.
But sometimes, I just don’t have anything to say.
We’ve already said everything. We’ve already covered our bases. We can nearly read the other’s mind.
And so, a dinner out is a chance for us to enjoy one another’s company.
We often dine in comfortable silence. We are that couple.
But we also smile, and laugh, and flirt.
When we have something important to say, we say it. When we have something burning on our chest, we set it free. When we have something utterly ridiculous or stupid, we say that, too. Sometimes that means we’ve already spilled our hearts before 9:00 in the morning.
Our relationship is beautiful and messy and wonderful and (yes) comfortable. These days, people equate comfortable with passionless and mediocre, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
I hope and pray that we get 50 years or more of telling each other our secrets by day and dining in silence by night.
If others turn up their noses and swear they won’t be like us, then they are the ones missing out. There’s nothing more romantic than being so exposed to your partner that you don’t have to say a word to make conversation.
I hope that in your own relationship you find someone who makes you laugh, encourages you, and listens to you. I hope you have passion, but more, I hope you have trust and openness in communication. If you already have that, then you know how blessed you are. If you are waiting for the right person to come along, think long and hard about these qualities before jumping in.
What are your thoughts? Do you think it is impossible to have passion in a relationship where you dine in silence?
Life happens when we find the person with whom we are most comfortable.
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