I’m sure you already saw this coming, but after much thought and even more prayer, I have come to an ultimate decision. This is a miracle in and of itself because I usually can’t make a decision to save my life.
I’m grateful to each of you’ve who’ve been led here for one reason or another, and even more grateful that you’ve stayed through my silence.
I’ve pondered the idea of only writing once in a blue moon, when time allows or my fingers ache or my heart cries out over a revelation or an injustice.
I’ve also pondered the oversharing- not of my soul- but of my children’s photographs and their quirks and their stories. I suddenly have this overwhelming urge to protect them (not sure where that feeling was all the years before, but it’s just come upon me and fast).
I’ve pondered the idea of a new site, where my stories are similar, but my children are more invisible. I’m not sure how to do that, though, when my most real and gut-wrenching lessons are typically centered around my children. How can I be authentic and transparent, but still protect my children? I don’t think I (personally) can.
I’ve pondered all that I might lose and all that I might gain.
I’ve pondered what it is that God wants of me. I know for certain that He invited me to share my soul here on this blog. I believe this was my ministry. My opportunity to share His love and His lessons with others.
He’s humbled me, stripped me of my pride, and reminded me that this space and this life are not about me. It’s all about Him.
Life Happens When has helped me to mature as a person, a follower of Christ, and a mother. Some of the things I’ve written are downright embarrassing when I look back on them. Yet, other things encourage me and challenge me, even months and years after I wrote them.
I’ve said before, every time I think I’m ready to call it quits, something always happens to change my mind. A comment from a reader, a message on Facebook, a friend of a friend telling me how much they love my blog.
I’ve been getting gentle nudges from different people and places, but the feeling in my heart is no longer guilt.
I haven’t written in awhile for a variety of reasons. Mostly, I’m really busy with my kids. I still have time I could deliberately use to blog, but honestly, I usually end up mindlessly surfing the web. Parenting in this stage of my life is emotionally and physically draining even when I don’t do much of anything in a given day. I can’t seem to find the mental or emotional capacity to formulate profound, let alone coherent, thoughts.
As I’ve waffled back and forth about what I should do for several months, I believe God answered my prayers and my worries with Ecclesiastes 3. I didn’t intend for that to be the passage I read from the Bible the other day, but it was. And as I read, so much emotion passed through me.
The more I read it, the more I knew it was speaking to my heart straight from God.
For everything there is a season.
I believe with every fiber of my being that it is time to say good-bye to you and to Life Happens When.
I could write occasionally when the opportunity arises, but having that in the back of my head at all times would drive me crazy and bring me anything but peace.
I could write in ways that make my children more anonymous, but as I mentioned above, I don’t believe I could still be as authentic and real.
I could start fresh with a new blog, but I don’t believe this is the right time. Not now. Maybe in the future, but maybe not.
I am deeply saddened to lose my amazing readers, especially those I’ve built online friendships with. I wish I could say I’ll keep in touch or I’ll keep following on your blogs, but honestly other blogs are an even greater distraction than my own. They steal my time, but worse, they sometimes steal my joy.
I am excited by what I will gain. More focused time with my family- free from the worry and guilt that comes with spending too much time online. Oh, new worries and guilt will creep in and fill the spaces, I have no doubt, but I’m still ready to start anew with my family.
I’m curious where God will take me now. He certainly works in mysterious ways. Writing here started out as a flutter on my heart and it grew to something greater than I could have imagined.
Thank you so much for being part of my journey. Thank you for your encouragement, support, and love. Thank you for your comments, messages, and e-mails. I treasure them and I treasure each of you.
I hope you feel the flutters on your own hearts and have the courage to do what God asks, even if that means giving up something you love. Even if it means saying no. Even if it means good-bye.
I will continue to pray for each of you, and I truly wish you all the best.
Life happens when we say good-bye.